My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
