Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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