we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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