So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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