Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize