i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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