Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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