If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
