this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
