from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
