Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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