in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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