every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
worst night to have a conscience
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
