sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
