Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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