I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
