Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
