I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
