Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
