I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
