i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
