Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and she was petting her beer can
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
