If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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