Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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