so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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