his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
