my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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