He is an equal opportunity slut.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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