i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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