I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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