Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
