just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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