alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
