I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
