Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
