1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
