whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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