the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
