I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
