Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
