thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
