I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
