Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
