im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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