Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
