hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
