Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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