what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
