I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
