You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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