I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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