So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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