YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
