You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
