i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
