we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
