My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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