The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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