He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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