She's JV to your varsity
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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