the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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