just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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