before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
