He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
