My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
