Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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