I accidentally had phone sex last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sext me about skeletons
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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