i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
