you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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