I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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