so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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