Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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