We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
