Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
