hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
