I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
