Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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