and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize