Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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