I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
