I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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