So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
