I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
