apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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