I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
