well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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